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Mum with Dementia refusing care home visits?

Care home research guide cover image
Stage 5 · Settling In

The first four weeks tell you everything.

Five things to watch before a problem becomes a pattern.

1
Week by week

Is the distress reducing?

Some distress in weeks 1–2 is normal. The question is whether it's getting better — not whether every day is good.

  • Name the key worker. Know their shifts
  • Note distress levels each week
  • Book the four-week review now
⚠Still constant at week 4? That needs a specific conversation.
2
Watch the weight

Is she eating?

Weight loss affects nearly half of people with dementia. Ask for the monthly weight record at the first review.

  • Ask for the weight record
  • Observe a regular mealtime
  • Check familiar foods are being served
⚠2–3kg lost in the first month without explanation — escalate.
3
Watch the details

Do they know her?

The test: does the staff member demonstrate individual knowledge, or address your parent generically?

  • Are familiar objects in place?
  • Is she clothed well, room clean?
  • Are interactions warm or just efficient?
⚠This is the difference between Good and Outstanding homes.
4
Build the relationship

Are they telling you, or are you chasing?

Proactive communication is the most reliable single indicator of a well-managed home.

  • Share a written parent summary
  • Ask: what triggers a call to you?
  • Put concerns in writing, dated
⚠If you always have to ask first, that's itself a concern.
5
The four-week test

"She is well looked after."

247 families used this exact phrase. Not every day is good — but as a general verdict, can you say it?

  • Eating well, weight stable
  • Distress reducing week on week
  • Staff know her individually
⚠If you can't say it by week four, something specific needs to change.

Know within four weeks whether the home is working.

Download the checklist with a weekly tracker. Score each visit. Spot the pattern.

Stage 5 of 6 · The guide nobody gave you.

She's moved in. How do you know if the home is actually working?

Weight, distress levels, staff knowledge, communication, and the four-week verdict — a printable checklist with a weekly tracker. Score each visit. Spot the pattern before a problem becomes permanent.

Download Your Checklist

No registration required to download. Free.

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